No break for the poor...
Mood:  lazy
Yeah, I am still alive. I am so busy now that I don't even get a chance to do anything recreational anymore. I suppose keeping busy gets my mind off of somethings that have been going on lately so in the words of someone I once knew "it's all good!"

I am finally off of work today. Feels like my first day off in forever. It figures I would be coming down with a cold. I don't really know what I am getting; I think it is a mix of exhaustion and allergies but...whatever it may be it is draining my energy.

I finally finished a chapter in my new book. I like how the story is coming together. I never thought that I would write one book let alone become inspired to write a second one. This one is unlike the first as it is fictional but some of the experiences of the main character is some of the stuff I have been through lately. (after the release of my first book). It is terrible being a writer. What a scary profession that was chosen for me. My heart is always on display and I don't like being naked.

Any way, so I have officially decided to move to Pittsburg finally. I am really excited. I didn't want to leave Meridian because it has been my home for 7 years. This is the longest I have lived in one place my whole life. I finished high school here. I went to college here. Made a semi-career here and I thought I have friends here. How wrong I was. There is no reason to stay here. Meridian holds nothing for me anymore.

I have decided to go back to school when I get to Pittsburg. At first I was skeptical, because the first degree really hasn't done me alot of good so far, but I have decided that I really want to do it so I am. I am going for a major in Russian (as in the language with a minor in Italian. For those of you that don't know, my mom's family is Russian. I would like to learn about my family's history, culture and language. My aunt speaks Russian a little but I want to master it. I think it would give me a good sense of myself and where I come from. I chose Italian, well, because I can already speak it. Three years in a country and you tend to pick up on the language. I have been studying and getting back into learing the vocabulary again. There is a large demand for people that speak English/Russian or English/Italian. I hope that one day I can speak Russian and Italian as well as I can English. Even if it is with a dorky American accent! lol.

Anyway, so I am excited about that. It gives me something to look forward to.

La dolce vita? Yeah right.
Mood:  a-ok
Now Playing: Nek- Le cose da diffendere
Yeah, well I am sitting in the hotel room working on a my new book. I got kinda bored and decided to write about what is really on my mind instead of trying to pour my frustrations into a fictional story.

I am listening to Nek. He is this Italian singer that I favored while living in Italy. His music is really catchy and very deep. Listening to him does not want to make me want to go back to Italy but it does make me wish I had the money to go through with my plan of a double major like I had originally planned on this fall. I really want to major in Italian and Russian or at the very least just major in Italian and minor in Russian. I hate that I am still paying for the first degree. Sometimes life just isn't fair.

Anyway, I am trying to brush up on my Italian. It is really funny now because I understand the mechanics of Italian better now that I am older and have a better understanding of English. The hard part is going to be Russian, with its different alphabet and everything.

Well, it looks like the tree isn't coming off the house until tomorrow. Our landlord is too cheap to pay $700 to get the tree off of our house. We are still living in the hotel. I am tired of being here already. It is really disgusting. Not clean at all. I want my own bed. I want my own shower. I suppose you don't miss what you have until its gone.

Firewood anyone?
Mood:  hug me
Now Playing: Let's get it started-Blackeyed peas
And so tragedy upon tragedy falls upon my feet. I guess I shouldn't complain. I have more material for another book!

Well, as you know Dennis the menace emptied his wrath upon the gulf coast. Many casualties were claimed including my house...again. A tree fll on our house and punctured the roof. It didn't go through the house, luckily.

Anyway, so we called up our landlord's daughter (our landlord is in Iraq) and she came out to "determine" the damage. Supposedly it is all going to be fixed in the next few days.

I was able to save my most prized posession...my computer. I have all of my writing on it. I see it as my connection to the world. I really need to invest in a laptop. It would make everything so much easier.

?????
Mood:  down
Now Playing: Not a thing
Well, I wanted to try one of these out. I have never done one. I am really tired right now. I just got off of my day job and I am exhausted.

I want to thank you all for your support. This book has been a very trying experience and I appreciate all the support that I can get.

There is some misconception as to the intent of writing a soul bearing book as this was. I didn't set out to write a book or tell the whole world my story, it just sort of happened. I have always dealt with my grief and happiness at the tip of a pen. This was no different. I fell in love for the first time with a person who I thought I could climb the highest mountain for. I had never been in love before nor had anyone really been in love with me. It was a wonderful experience. Through his advances I would compare him to my father. I know my father did the best job he knew how to do with the way he was raised. I truly believe that but he hurt me so much with the things that he would say to me that when I think about it all these years later my heart still bleeds. I thought that someone might get a laugh at my story and learn from it so that he or she might not repeat my mistakes or those of my family. It was writen with benign intentions.

I really never understood what more my dad could want from me. I am nothing like anyone on his side of the family. I didn't drink, smoke, do drugs nor sleep around. Hell, I was a bookworm. What a dork! On top of all that I had excellent grades in High School and I graduated with honors in college. I am not that terrible of a person. I am smarter than he gives me credit for. Maybe he is just to blind to see me. Really see me. I think it is because he sees my mom and I as one entity like I cannot think for myself and that I have always been on her side. That isn't true either. There are many things that she does that I do not agree with, but with her I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that she will be there for whatever I need. With my dad I wasn't so sure. He would always throw it back in my face like I owed him just for being born to him. I did appreciate the things that he did for me though. I never went hungry or roofless (is that a word), I was just emotionally screwed up!

If I could know one thing in this world I would just want to know why he would call me fat, ugly and laugh at me when I said that I wanted to be a writer. Why did he treat me like the grease the gum you scrape off of your shoe. I guess the point is moot and I get the last laugh. I did become a writer.

It is amazing. My mom's friend that comes over all the time treats me better than my own father. He asks about my day and he listens to my woes and doesn't treat me like I am stupid. I love that about him. He doesn't act like everything I say is annoying him. Sure he teases me about my physical and verbal imperfections but he isn't malicious. I really appreciate him being there for me. I just really love the fact that he treats me like a person and not a lowly red-headed step child.

Anyway, I suppose that is enough soul bearing for one day. I have an article I need to finish before I head off to sleep.

Holla at ya later...